Inside her head

The life she has always wanted is hers for the taking. However there is an invisible string drawing her back to the life she wants to leave behind. Even as she basks in the freedom of having her time all to herself the string keeps tugging at her head, heart, and soul.

Sometimes she wishes she could just fully disengage but she doesn’t want to hurt anyones feelings. She hears what they are not saying. The faint sound of abandonment in their voices. She feels so disconnected from that world which wants to keep dragging her back into its fold with its promises of love, comfort, and stability.

Every time she goes back it gets harder and harder to fit in. She seems to thrive on her own yet she allows the voices to tell her “you are needed please come back.” Then restlessness ensues. She is like a sailor without a boat. She gives in to the obligation that she feels, only to feel the string tightening around her neck like a noose. She should not hold herself responsible for other Peoples happiness yet she does.

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7 Replies to “Inside her head”

  1. I feel like you wrote this for me! I feel like this especially now that i have moved back home after traveling around the world my whole adult life. I have known these people my whole life., but feel awkward around them. It’s very sad. ..

    1. Theresa, it was difficult for me to hit publish on this one because the thing is although you know “it’s the right thing to do” you still feel somewhat unsettled. The solution I guess is to find a happy medium.

    2. Blessings babytreese:
      Its been a minute, (fabulicious from SPACES, you probably don’t remember but its all good.) I trust all is well with you.

      Just accept, you may know them but you don’t really KNOW them, just as they don’t truly know you. Time marches on, we change, we grow, we transform and who we once were is no more. You may look the same and have retained some similar mannerisms however who you are to your core is not the same.

      Let go of the expectations, the ones you have of yourself and the ones you have of others, meet them where they are at and let them rise up and meet you were you are at or keep it moving. Often we interact with those we know with what we knew of them that may no longer be true but we don’t know that and are not privy to that information. In order to see if there is anything salvageable we must let go of those “things” and begin anew. Let them teach you who they are by what they do, don’t do, say and don’t say and you do the same. In so doing you will learn who you wish to keep close and whom you wish to blessedly let go.

      Peace….

  2. sweet hearted woman. I wonder of course if this is You. I think yes. If so, my hope is for you finding a path to dedicate whatever you are doing now in this hard time to the higher You–to demand a vision to be able to extract from your Now more of what you need to thrive…….an asking of why the Matrix placed you ‘here, now’. I mean a deeper asking–not about those you are serving but for discovering some new territory for your own heart’s ability, and expansion. The Opening that seems so elusive in these new surroundings–new for Now, anyway. Sending care, and warmth, Sarah

  3. blessings….
    It is often in honoring ourselves others take offense, feel slighted, pushed aside and left, yet if they are truly into you, see you, they would understand and rise up and meet you where you are at and not make it about them and what they desire. This is your life and you must live it unapologetically with grace, dignity, respect of self and honoring your authenticity and yes that means at times it will fit others uncomfortably however that is not yours to hold.

    Your life, your happiness is your responsibility, the same is true for all of us.

    Just live
    Just be
    Just honor who your are in the deepest parts of you, the “I”.

    peace.
    Rhapsody
    http://rappingonamelody.blogspot.ca/
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